Schachmatt
by jazzmonkey
Summary: Everytime he wanted to save someone, he found a way to do so. Always. Yet, when it mattered...She was gone. He was done. But, his team wasn't. Not by a long shot.
1. Part 1: The White King's Gambit

**I don't own Criminal Minds. Okay, so Zugzwang...wow. Just really sucked. A lot.**

**Schachmatt**

_Italics _is flashbacks

_Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with another._

Part 1: The White King's Gambit

Morgan looked over at the empty desk. He was still hoping for their genius boy to walk in, that ugly satchel slung over his shoulder, a coffee and book in his pianist hands. He knew it was definitely not a possibility, not so soon.

He could still see the anguish etching into the delicate features of his little brother. His tears were silent and bitter, bottled up. Morgan could still hear the soft sobs that bubbled from his friend's throat, and his own desperate need to stop them.

_Spencer Reid sat there in front of his friends, crying. They had all seen him cry before, save Blake, but this time it was just too…raw. It was not hidden, or quiet, nothing was withheld. A blaze seemed to light itself underneath the young genius as his wails burst forth suddenly._

_Everything was quiet as they watched Reid sit there and cry for his lost love. Morgan finally put away his gun and walked up slowly, as if approaching a wounded animal. The rest of the team silently watched, waiting for the inevitable moment Morgan would reach their friend._

_"Reid?" he gently prodded. The older man rested his hand on the genius' shoulder. "Come on Pretty Boy, let's get you outta here."_

_Reid didn't move._

_Finally, after several minutes of soft ministrations by his companions, JJ and Morgan guided him out of the room. He calmly spoke at the ambulance before they loaded him up._

_"Morgan," he began. His voice was hollow and unfeeling, so different from his usual enthusiasm, "I guess you were wrong. 2,412. 100.5. That's all I got."_

_The doors of the vehicle shut before Derek could find it in himself to respond._

"Guys, we've got a case," Garcia stated gently. She had been sporting shades of blue, purple and gray recently. She walked into the round table room without another word.

A part of her wanted to just drop all the files she was currently carrying and rush out to her Sweet Cheeks apartment this very instant. She knew it took time for wounds to heal, especially for a person as fragile as Spencer. He was a child, in a way, so naive to what the world offered, and how easily it could be taken away.

Logically, she knew that he was smart, and in his job, he knew of the dangers that presented themselves to the world. However, the bubbly techie couldn't bring herself to think otherwise of Spencer's delicate state of mind.

Every single moment they weren't solving a case, she was keeping track of him. According to his phone, he was at home. For the last four days.

Was he eating? Sleeping? Living?

Garcia shuffled through the pictures on her tablet as she waited for the team to file in. Her mind was made up, she would fix this. She had to. For all of them.

_"Hey Reid," she tried as he walked in. He simply nodded, nothing more nor less. _

_Dropping his satchel on his desk, he navigated around the people milling around occasionally pausing when one of two of them stopped to give their condolences. Maneuvering to the best of his ability with his bandaged shoulder and slinged arm, he walked into Hotch's office._

_She waited by his desk until he came out. Looking down, she spotted a tan envelope sticking out of a pocket and immediately realized it for what it was. Maeve's letters. Tears sprung up fresh when she recalled the words instantaneously. Reid had truly loved her with all his heart, only to have it torn away by the cruel hands of fate._

_"Reid?" she asked as he silently grabbed his satchel. "Where are you going?"_

_He smiled falsely, "I'm taking a break for a while. I-I need…I need to sort some things out."_

_She stood there, even after he was long gone._

Blake settled down into the cushy seat of the plane as she got ready for the long flight. She opened up the book that the young genius himself had given her as a welcoming present. After the first chapter, she realized she had no idea what she'd just read.

Closing the book, she glanced outside into the vast skies. She vaguely wondered if the young man she had surprisingly come to like was alright. She had never met the girl, only heard of her through Dr. Reid, but the way he had described her…she was his goddess.

To have that so brutally taken must have been a devastating blow.

Blake still wasn't very comfortable with her team that was very clearly a family in its own right. She was getting there, but not yet. She hoped her own idea would be enough to help their colleague.

_After listening to JJ and Garcia whisper about a person known as Emily, she had made her decision. This woman was needed here. Blake wasn't sure how to go about this, but when the opportunity-in the form of JJ's phone-presented itself, she took it._

_Waiting hesitantly for it to ring, she found herself taken aback at the drowsy voice. "JJ, this better be good. I finally got an early night."_

_After a moment's silence, "JJ?" the voice repeated._

_Blake cleared her throat, "I'm not JJ." She could almost hear the other woman's voice crinkle in confusion for a moment._

_"Who exactly are you then?"_

_"JJ might have mentioned me. I'm SSA Alex Blake."_

_"Ah. My replacement," the voice interceded._

_"Right."_

_Emily was kind enough to allow Blake to continue. Blake regaled the woman with the version of her former teammate's tragic tale. When she finished, all she heard was silence._

_Suddenly the other end exploded as sheets or clothes-maybe both-rustled rapidly and there was a sound of water rushing through pipes and muffled words of 'Sergio, let go'._

_Emily came back on the phone, "Tell the team that I'm on the next flight out. I'll be emailing Garcia the details." There was a pause before her voice softened, "Thank you, Agent Blake."_

_"Call me Alex."_

Rossi looked at the map before him. How Reid ever figured this out was beyond him, and then he realized that was the most idiotic thought to cross his mind in years.

He knew he wasn't completely focused on the map, which was dangerous, considering this town needed undivided attention, but he couldn't help himself. His mind kept drifting back toward the chair filled with stacks of paper, one that should have a leather man purse-as Morgan so fondly called it-sitting within its depth.

Without Reid, everything seemed a step harder. The facts, the profile, the childish antics. Nothing seemed as…interesting as before.

_The Italian man looked at the coffee pot before him. He only drank from it when Reid made it anyway, but he had felt the odd urge to come in. As if the young man would actually be here._

_The pot was full._

_That just felt wrong to him. The pot was always either half empty, or clean of anything but dregs. Reid drank so much of it, he might have as well just had it on his own desk._

_It wasn't just the coffee. It was everything. The entire team had a somber overcast to it, penetrating even Strauss. She hadn't belittled them in the slightest after Reid._

_Rossi always suspected Reid had gained Erin's respect, in a manner of speaking. Even she seemed affected by this whole fiasco._

_He hadn't known Reid as long as Morgan or Hotch, but he cared for the younger man. This team was falling apart, and they hadn't the smallest clue how to fix it._

_He walked out of the room. Without Reid, a lot of things had lost his interest._

Hotch watched as the local coroner took the unsub's body away. They might have been able to save this one. He wasn't bad, just sick. Reid would have found a way to talk the man down, calm him slowly and casually.

He didn't necessarily like it all the time, but Reid's ability to connect with every person he met is what led them to many of their apprehensions, rather than deaths. Nodding his head at the chief, he turned to his team.

It was finally time to go home.

_Hotch looked over at the empty desk when he passed by for coffee. It seemed odd to not see a childishly happy face peering at a new book, or a small crowd that erupted in quiet giggles after a cap launched into the air._

_He sighed and shut the door to his room. The leader looked at the picture resting on his desk of his deceased ex-wife. Haley had been his soul at one time, but he had gotten time with her and without her after her death. He'd gotten the chance to know her, love her, marry her._

_He picked up his phone and hit a number. The phone started ringing, and then continued. Without surprise, he ended the call when it went to voicemail. He tried again._

_And again._

_They had been too close to losing Reid too many times to let it happen again._

JJ relaxed into the seat of her car as she drove home. Finally, a little alone time with Will tonight. Maybe she should stop in to see Reid before heading home, just to see if he had taken in some of the baskets Garcia had dropped off.

She missed him. Reid was like a little brother to her, in all of his innocence and geeky appearance. She loved it, and so did Henry.

Maybe taking Henry to see Reid would be good for their genius. Henry hadn't seen him for a long time, and even the small child was beginning to worry about his godfather.

But, she did have one extra guest at her house.

_"Hello?" JJ asked._

_"Hey, it's me."_

_"Emily?"_

_"Yep," her friend paused. "Could you do me a favor?"_

_"Sure…"_

_"Come pick me up at the airport?"_

_"You're here?" JJ exclaimed. "What? When? Why?"_

_Emily chuckled quietly. She somberly answered, "I heard about Reid."_

_JJ sank back into her seat, "Oh. You heard, huh?" she asked. "Emily, why do you think it always ends up being him? Hostage, kidnapped, drugged, shot…violated…"_

_"Violated?"_

_JJ cleared her throat, "The woman that, uh, killed Reid's girlfriend stuffed her hand down his shirt and kissed him."_

_Emily made a sound of rage. "How is he?"_

_"I don't know. He hasn't answered any of our calls."_

_"You too, huh?"_

Reid curled up on the couch. In the past week, he had been reduced to reading, and occasionally getting up to make coffee. If not that, he would lull himself to sleep by listening to the voicemails left by his team, or read the letters left by…

He missed her, without truly even knowing her. What had she ever done to deserve this? Was being smart a crime? Was that why he was doomed to forever be alone, and forever deal with pain that only seemed to replace itself when it seemed to fade?

"Zugzwang," Reid quietly murmered.

To play until the bitter end.

And what a bitter end it was.

**Schachmatt: checkmate in german**

**Gambit: sacrifice to gain an advantage**


	2. Part 2: The Red Queen's Castle

**I don't own Criminal Minds. Okay, so Zugzwang...wow. Just really sucked. A lot.**

**Schachmatt**

Part 2: The Red Queen's Castle

Emily looked at her friend. He looked broken, alone, and not at all like the young man she had left behind. This was simply not Reid. It couldn't be.

She put her bag down, "Hey Reid," she stated softly.

"Hello," he said briskly, a monotonous edge coloring his greeting. He didn't bother to acknowledge his visiting friend. He had to focus on the case. It was the only way to-he broke his own train of thought. No, he couldn't even bear to go there.

"Reid," she repeated.

"What?" he asked sharply, before looking up and flinched back at her face. "Emily."

She put her hand on his arm, "I came as soon as I heard."

"That what? I screwed up again? Do you guys think I can't handle myself, is that it?" his voice rose, "If you haven't noticed, I'm FINE."

She pulled her hand back as if she had been burned. The last time he had lashed out like that, it had been at JJ. Now, she understood what it was like to be on the receiving end of Dr. Spencer Reid's anger, and it wasn't a good thing.

Emily slowly rested her hand on his shoulder before letting go and leaving the room.

"He's not fine. Even though he came back to work, he's not okay. JJ, he's lost."

Her friend nodded in agreement, "I know," she said ruefully. A part of her wanted to go and hug him until he found a way to let go of the pain, but she knew it was never that simple.

The entire team watched as Reid finished up his work. Well, until he let out a frustrated, loud sigh and threw the files into his bag. Slamming the door to the room on the way out, he left. They could all the signs: the sadness, the hunched over posture-even more so than usual- and the utter loss of words. They had never seen him not talk.

Hotch was getting tired of this. His teammate was hurting that much was certain, but he couldn't lash out like this. They all needed to focus to function, and one of the members aching made it so all of them did.

"Garcia?" he asked.

"Yes, sir?" the bubbly woman quipped lightly, trying to force the shock out of her voice.

"Find out where he's going."

It was drizzling as he walked the worn path. The hill itself seemed to remember his footprints, his last path still faintly marked by his tread. He licked his lips lightly as he stood by the grave. This was wrong, it shouldn't have ended like this.

He hadn't wanted to yell at Emily. She had come all the way from London to comfort him, and he had ignored her. Ignored them all, actually. After them trying so hard to get him out of his shell, all he did was make their jobs more difficult.

What would Maeve have thought about him acting like this?

Spencer stood at the grave, silent. He steeled himself once more, shoving his feelings down to go back to his job. He'd been doing it for almost a week now, he could keep it up.

He could hear steps behind him. He stated dully, "Why did you follow me?"

All seven of them came out, wet from their unsheltered walk in the rain. He turned around, glaring at his surrogate family.

"Reid…"

He roughly pushed his hair out of his face, "I'm fine. She's gone. That's all there is to it."

"We know you're hurting."

He gave JJ a look that quelled her. They wouldn't dare. How could they possibly know?

"Don't," Spencer stated shortly. "Don't try."

Blake stepped forward, looking at him intently, "We're sorry Reid, but we care. I may be new to the team, but we all care. We're not letting you go it alone."

Reid looked at all seven of them. They were dripping as they stood in front of him, their determination unwavering. He could see it in their eyes, rain regardless.

Without speaking, he turned back around to face the grave as tears welled up in his eyes. He was done, he was tired. Spencer stared at the grave, images filtering in too quickly.

He felt his knees buckle, and felt the grass push against them as he collapsed into a kneeling position before her grave. He was openly sobbing now. He could feel warmth embrace him, and knew it was Garcia.

"She's gone, Pen! She's dead," he stammered. He held her arms as they wrapped around his chest, willing them to stay.

She hushed him, "I know, honey. I know."

"I-I never got to tell her the truth."

They were silent. He needed this. Morgan watched as his friend crumbled.

"I never got to tell her that I loved her."

Emily slowly sat down next to him, her manicured fingers gently resting on his thigh, "She knew, Reid."

He sniffled lightly, "How could she? The last thing I ever said was that I didn't love her. That I didn't care for her."

"Trust me, Spencer," JJ said softly, "She understood. I could see the way she looked at you. Even at gunpoint, she was strong. For you. Maeve loved you, and she knew you loved her. She's at peace, and she's hoping you'll be able to do the same."

He muttered sensitively, "It hurts…"

Garcia squeezed him tighter, "Oh, sweet cheeks, I know it does. It gets better. We're all here, aren't we?"

They all waited there, a family in their own right. One of their own was hurting, and together, they were healing. Slowly, the rain trickled, wavering and beginning to slow. The drops flew soft and swift, kisses upon their cheeks.

Reid asked them for a moment alone. He would be strong for Maeve. He'd get back up, like he always did, and find his way through this. Maeve was counting on him too. She was one-of-a-kind, and a part of his heart was still shattered, but she would want him to move on.

"I love you Maeve."

He placed the book he meant to give her all those weeks ago on her grave. He wouldn't be ready to face this overnight, but it was a start.

As he walked to his team waiting at the bottom of the hill, he turned back to look at it one more time. The note tucked in the ribbon had flown out. But, he didn't bother running after it. It would reach her.

He was sure of it.

_Love seeks one thing only: the good of the one loved. It leaves all the other secondary effects to take care of themselves. Love, therefore, is its own reward._

**Castle: a move to protect the king**


End file.
